Life is a unicity, we cannot see the deforestation of the Amazon as something that does not concern our part of the world. Sooner or later we will be confronted with it. Denial is easy. Nondenial is facing the truth of our existence, and not just of parts of it, but of life in total. Denial is not freedom; avoidance and resistance are not freedom. Denial is a struggle, it means that we are somehow trying to separate ourselves from our experience. Unicity is not our choice, it is not a choice at all. It is a natural principle, and denial is possible only when we haven't faced life's unicity yet. Coming to terms with the totality of living is a tremendous freedom.
We pick up our paradigms of life - our maps of the world - from society: from parents, church, books, television, and friends. A paradigm is what we think life is like. And actually, it is how we expect life to be, and how we think life should be. Certainly, maps can be very useful, but we tend to believe in them to a degree where we think that life should adapt itself to what these maps describe. The more ideas we have about life and how it should be, the more prone we are to denial, looking the other way, avoiding and resisting the truth of the moment. But denial doesn't change the fact. Sooner or later reality forces itself onto us. At a certain point it just cannot be avoided any longer.
For example, all species are sexual. If they were not sexual, they would have been extinct long ago. So we are sexual beings. Denying this obvious fact forces sexuality into our unconscious. Sexuality is part of us even if we believe that it shouldn't be. Deny something and it will go underground and express itself in a violent way, like a priest abusing a child after years of abstinence. By not denying sexuality, we never suppress it, and it will not avenge itself in horrific ways. If destructive tendencies can be seen in the light of conscious awareness they can heal, like a wound will heal in open air. Not trying to avoid our animal nature and dealing with it consciously, we may save our human dignity. How can we be free, as individuals or as humanity, if we deny part of our existence?
Life is experiencing. Our life is the totality of our experiences, and not trying to avoid it is a great freedom. Yet sometimes we experience feelings that we do not really want to experience, that we'd rather avoid. Maybe you are disappointed or sad, and your tendency may be to try and avoid your feelings.
To experience - without resistance - what you are experiencing, is becoming aware of life's unicity. And the experience of unicity is a blessing. You take in everything you experience without resisting it, without trying to avoid it, without denying it. It is having an open heart. It is living without inner conflict. Sadness is not really the problem, resisting it is. Every feeling has its own beauty, there's something uniquely beautiful about it. Sadness is really love. Disappointment is really hope. Jealousy is really self-love. Fear is really excitement. Anger is care. These so-called negative emotions are like a reverse layup in basketball: it's the same thing, but it comes from the other side.
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Principles and Paradigms
» 2. Unicity
Separation: The ultimate myth
Nothing to separate us
- Denial, avoidance, resistance
Not opposites but polarities
5. Alive Silence